In The Beginning

Why did God make snakes before Verizon salesmen?

practice makes perfect

What Would Galileo Say

If you drop a snake and the President of Verizon off the Empire State Building at precisely the same time, which one hits the ground first?

....Who cares?

But Why Would You Want To?

How to save the CEO of Verizon from drowning?

take your foot off his head

Question

If a Verizon Rep has a heart attack, does he lie still???

Chop, Chop, Chop, Chop

What’s the difference between a Verizon Executive and an onion?

People cry when they slice up an onion.

President of Verizon Gets a Brain Scan

http://tinyurl.com/3357ulu

Will Rogers NEVER Met a Verizon Salesman

http://tinyurl.com/4f7ort2

What To Write, What To Write?

http://tinyurl.com/2awa4kl

Gulp, Gulp

What's cold, thick and slimy, and sharp to the touch?

20 ice cubes, a Verizon rep, and a porcupine in a blender

Up-and-Coming Verizon Execs

http://tinyurl.com/69j4ulj

Elementary...

What’s the difference between a Verizon salesperson and a catfish?

One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
Next question...

Verizon CEO Unconcerned With Customer Complaints

http://tinyurl.com/4hzbta3

Never Enough

What do you call it when a Verizon Rep is buried up to his neck in sand?

A shortage of sand.

March Madness...

Worst company in America:

http://consumerist.com/2011/03/wcia2011-bracket-announcement.html

Luv Ya Verizon

http://tinyurl.com/yzm3p5d

What's In a Name

Why exactly did Verizon pick the name "Verizon" for their company?

because the name "Shysters 'R Us" was just too literal

Lookin' Sharp

What's black and brown and looks great on the President of Verizon?

a doberman pinscher

Eeeeeeewww

What's greenish-brown, slimy, smells like sewage, is bigger than a bread box, and has fangs and at most one eyeball???

I don't know, but I'd like to mail it to Verizon's corporate office.

More Practice for the S.A.T.

Can you fill in the blank:

__erizon SUCKS!!

Want To Work At Verizon?

Go here first:

http://bit.ly/AixGG

Ivan the Terrible

With his beret off:










...and here, in deep thought, exploring his nostril over lunch:

http://tinyurl.com/352nuex

Tough Question

...need NOT be a math-geek to answer:

If we push one Verizon salesman in front of a speeding train heading north at 85 mph at 12:05 pm, and a second Verizon salesman in front of a different speeding train heading south on a parallel track at 105 mph at 12:14 pm, then, legalistically speaking... has any crime been committed?

Could It Be...

the former Vice-President of Verizon in charge of strategic planning?:

http://tinyurl.com/4mxqz6s

Mere Genetics

What do you get when you cross a Verizon Rep with a wicked, pernicious demon from the deepest darkest bowels of Hades?

Another Verizon Rep, of course

Training Seminar

Verizon sales reps hold a get-together:

http://tinyurl.com/2a2k3o8

Sh*t, feces, dung

Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini

Verizon, AT&T, Comcast

...sorry, I keep repeating myself

Verizon, Sell, Sell, Sell

Short interest in Verizon over 55,000,000 and rising (and for good reason):

http://tinyurl.com/4lwnwny

And, An Anchor

What do you throw to a drowning Verizon Board member?

His partners.

Say What?

Verizon is:

evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil.....

Bang Bang

What do you call 20 skydiving Verizon salesmen?

skeet!