Piss On Verizon...

In The Beginning

2011-07-24T09:11:00.000-04:00

Why did God make snakes before Verizon salesmen?

practice makes perfect

What Would Galileo Say

2011-07-15T10:09:00.000-04:00

If you drop a snake and the President of Verizon off the Empire State Building at precisely the same time, which one hits the ground first?

....Who cares?

But Why Would You Want To?

2011-07-12T09:23:00.000-04:00

How to save the CEO of Verizon from drowning?

take your foot off his head

Question

2011-07-09T09:14:00.001-04:00

If a Verizon Rep has a heart attack, does he lie still???

Chop, Chop, Chop, Chop

2011-06-27T09:02:00.000-04:00

What’s the difference between a Verizon Executive and an onion?

People cry when they slice up an onion.

President of Verizon Gets a Brain Scan

2011-06-23T09:47:00.000-04:00

http://tinyurl.com/3357ulu

Will Rogers NEVER Met a Verizon Salesman

2011-04-07T10:20:00.000-04:00

http://tinyurl.com/4f7ort2

What To Write, What To Write?

2011-04-04T09:08:00.000-04:00

http://tinyurl.com/2awa4kl

Gulp, Gulp

2011-03-30T09:26:00.000-04:00

What's cold, thick and slimy, and sharp to the touch?

20 ice cubes, a Verizon rep, and a porcupine in a blender

Up-and-Coming Verizon Execs

2011-03-28T09:52:00.000-04:00

http://tinyurl.com/69j4ulj

Elementary...

2011-03-26T11:09:00.000-04:00

What’s the difference between a Verizon salesperson and a catfish?

One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.
Next question...

Verizon CEO Unconcerned With Customer Complaints

2011-03-24T09:55:00.001-04:00

http://tinyurl.com/4hzbta3

Never Enough

2011-03-22T09:06:00.000-04:00

What do you call it when a Verizon Rep is buried up to his neck in sand?

A shortage of sand.

March Madness...

2011-03-19T08:29:00.000-04:00

Worst company in America:

http://consumerist.com/2011/03/wcia2011-bracket-announcement.html

Luv Ya Verizon

2011-03-16T08:48:00.000-04:00

http://tinyurl.com/yzm3p5d

What's In a Name

2011-03-12T08:35:00.000-05:00

Why exactly did Verizon pick the name "Verizon" for their company?

because the name "Shysters 'R Us" was just too literal

Lookin' Sharp

2011-03-02T08:50:00.000-05:00

What's black and brown and looks great on the President of Verizon?

a doberman pinscher

Eeeeeeewww

2011-02-27T10:37:00.000-05:00

What's greenish-brown, slimy, smells like sewage, is bigger than a bread box, and has fangs and at most one eyeball???

I don't know, but I'd like to mail it to Verizon's corporate office.

More Practice for the S.A.T.

2011-02-22T09:20:00.000-05:00

Can you fill in the blank:

__erizon SUCKS!!

Want To Work At Verizon?

2011-02-19T09:39:00.000-05:00

Go here first:

http://bit.ly/AixGG

Ivan the Terrible

2011-02-17T08:44:00.001-05:00

With his beret off:

...and here, in deep thought, exploring his nostril over lunch:

http://tinyurl.com/352nuex

Tough Question

2011-02-15T10:41:00.000-05:00

...need NOT be a math-geek to answer:

If we push one Verizon salesman in front of a speeding train heading north at 85 mph at 12:05 pm, and a second Verizon salesman in front of a different speeding train heading south on a parallel track at 105 mph at 12:14 pm, then, legalistically speaking... has any crime been committed?

Could It Be...

2011-02-13T10:52:00.000-05:00

the former Vice-President of Verizon in charge of strategic planning?:

http://tinyurl.com/4mxqz6s

Mere Genetics

2011-02-12T08:54:00.000-05:00

What do you get when you cross a Verizon Rep with a wicked, pernicious demon from the deepest darkest bowels of Hades?

Another Verizon Rep, of course

Training Seminar

2011-02-09T09:35:00.000-05:00

Verizon sales reps hold a get-together:

http://tinyurl.com/2a2k3o8

Sh*t, feces, dung

2011-02-07T13:40:00.000-05:00

Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini

Verizon, AT&T, Comcast

...sorry, I keep repeating myself

Verizon, Sell, Sell, Sell

2011-02-06T09:09:00.001-05:00

Short interest in Verizon over 55,000,000 and rising (and for good reason):

http://tinyurl.com/4lwnwny

And, An Anchor

2011-02-05T11:54:00.000-05:00

What do you throw to a drowning Verizon Board member?

His partners.

Say What?

2011-01-31T13:52:00.000-05:00

Verizon is:

evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil
evilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevilevil.....

Bang Bang

2011-01-29T10:51:00.000-05:00

What do you call 20 skydiving Verizon salesmen?

skeet!

"Verizon Wireless"

2011-01-26T09:31:00.000-05:00

oooooh, GREAT title for a Stephen King novel!

Deep Thoughts (...or doodoo)

2011-01-23T09:33:00.000-05:00

Ever notice that ALL the letters used to spell "E-N-R-O-N" are also in V-E-R-I-Z-O-N"!....

Quack, Quack

2011-01-21T13:57:00.000-05:00

What do you call a Verizon saleswoman with a pet duck?

a motherducker

Verizon Customer Service Rep on the Job

2011-01-18T14:11:00.000-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/3y5c3f4

That Sinking Feeling...

2011-01-15T13:34:00.000-05:00

What music does Verizon play when they put you on hold on the telephone?

theme from Titanic

Never Underestimate Verizon

2011-01-13T09:09:00.000-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/2zhmy

The Latest Innovation From Verizon

2011-01-12T09:46:00.002-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/66fwan4

(what will they think of next)

Einstein on Verizon

2011-01-09T09:16:00.001-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/ckageq

For the Third Graders

2011-01-06T13:03:00.000-05:00

Why doesn't anyone believe Verizon?

...because they're so phoney!

10 Things Probably Best To Avoid In 2011

2011-01-05T09:45:00.002-05:00

...in no particular order:

1. running or hand-gliding with scissors
2. flesh-eating bacteria, Ebola virus, and cooties
3. falling into a wood-chipper
4. sex with adult porcupines
5. month-long diarrhea, or Rush Limbaugh passing gas (tie)
6. abduction by hostile UFOs
7. texting and driving-drunk in a car with bald tires and no brakes
8. rabies, zombies, and heebie-jeebies
9. free street-corner colonoscopies
10. 2-year contract with Verizon

Greetings!

2011-01-04T13:45:00.001-05:00

The only sign language necessary for communicating with hearing-impaired (...or normal) Verizon reps:

http://tinyurl.com/2bel9n8

Subtle Lines

2011-01-03T09:39:00.000-05:00

"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore looking like an idiot." -- Steven Wright

"There's a fine line between riding around in a clown-mobile, and being the driver of a Verizon van." -- John Q. Public

For 2011, I Hereby RESOLVE

2011-01-02T08:54:00.000-05:00

to quit bashing Verizon, the best company, afterall, on the face of Planet Earth.

http://tinyurl.com/34j2oaa

Verizon Executives...

2010-12-31T08:02:00.000-05:00

on a recent team-building retreat:

http://tinyurl.com/35s6n82

Young People Show Their Support For Verizon

2010-12-30T10:40:00.002-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/y479ccz

Phone Translation

2010-12-29T08:49:00.000-05:00

What the Verizon Rep on the phone typically says:

"May I help you?"

What the Verizon Rep on the phone really means:

NaNa NaNa NaaaaNaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

3 Verizon Execs Yuk It Up

2010-12-28T14:32:00.004-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/3a5wwzv

Heavy Reading

2010-12-27T12:59:00.000-05:00

What Verizon Reps read when they want some intellectual stimulation:

http://tinyurl.com/2c5zqum

The History of Verizon In Print

2010-12-26T11:33:00.000-05:00

The Verizon success story recounted for all:

http://tinyurl.com/27d5q68

Verizon Exec Gives In to Temptation

2010-12-24T12:49:00.000-05:00

again...

http://tinyurl.com/2ase9t7

From The Latest Company Holiday Party

2010-12-22T08:49:00.001-05:00

Snapshot from the Verizon 2010 Christmas Party:

http://tinyurl.com/yd87na2

(...talk about having a merry ol' time!!)

Santa Knows...

2010-12-21T10:41:00.000-05:00

Yo Verizon, Santa (...and about 20 million other folks) knows that you were very very naughty this year.

And Starring the Staff of Verizon...

2010-12-20T13:01:00.004-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/23kpywa

(get your popcorn and milk duds)

Proclaiming Verizon #1 ??

2010-12-19T12:37:00.000-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/ya4lsn9

Typical Verizon Customer

2010-12-18T07:20:00.000-05:00

...upon learning of the extra charges:

http://tinyurl.com/2b668bn

As Soon As He's Released

2010-12-16T11:19:00.000-05:00

Who is the dream candidate and role model for the head of Verizon?

...Bernie Madoff

Verizon Sales Rep Right After Making A Sale

2010-12-15T09:28:00.000-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/2odszd

More Practice For the S.A.T.

2010-12-14T11:19:00.000-05:00

Verizon + Shit = _____

a. more shit
b. shit squared
c. Verishit
d. ShitZaaaam!
e. all of the above

Hey Kids... Let This Be a Lesson For You

2010-12-13T13:01:00.000-05:00

Here is your brain.

Here is your brain on drugs.

Ohhh, and here is your brain on Verizon! (...or, after listening to too much Glenn Beck)

New Logo For Verizon in the Works?

2010-12-12T08:54:00.004-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/2cv4mrr

...or... perhaps... not.

A Rogue By Any Other Name

2010-12-11T07:24:00.000-05:00

Why exactly did Verizon pick the name "Verizon" for their company?

because the name "Shysters 'R Us" was just too literal

Incoming...

2010-12-10T13:06:00.002-05:00

What's greenish-brown, slimy, smells like sewage, is bigger than a bread box, and has fangs and at most one eyeball???

I don't know, but I'd like to mail it to Verizon's corporate office.

For Your Own Good

2010-12-09T13:56:00.001-05:00

The book that should come along with every Verizon contract:

http://i41.tinypic.com/157hvfk.jpg

Wall Decor

2010-12-08T08:52:00.000-05:00

On the wall at your friendly neighborhood Verizon store (...or, should be):

http://tinyurl.com/36bwmur

Verizon Looking to Hire

2010-12-07T10:53:00.000-05:00

Are you a prospective Verizon employee? To initiate the hiring process go here first:

http://bit.ly/AixGG

Hey, Let's Play Analogies

2010-12-05T12:09:00.004-05:00

Verizon is to its customers...
as Wikileaks is to the State Dept.

Manual For New Salesmen

2010-12-04T13:47:00.001-05:00

This closely-guarded Verizon sales-training manual was recently covertly sent my way:

http://tinyurl.com/25575ed

This One's Always Worth a Replay

2010-12-03T10:00:00.000-05:00

A penny (...or 2) for your thoughts. . . .

http://tinyurl.com/2bmu4h

The Penal Code?

2010-12-02T13:18:00.000-05:00

If one stoned-drunk Verizon executive, weighing 185 lbs., is pushed off the Empire State Building at 5 minutes passed noon, and another drugged-out Verizon executive, weighing 220 lbs., is pushed off from the same height 10 seconds later, with no change in the wind direction or traffic flow... then, is anyone charged with a crime???

Yo, Verizon, Feel the Love

2010-12-01T05:58:00.001-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/yzm3p5d

Typical Verizon Phone Contract

2010-11-30T11:38:00.001-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/ygkjgj9

Hmmmm.... Let Me Think, Let Me Think

2010-11-28T10:24:00.000-05:00

What to write, what possibly to write...

http://tinyurl.com/2awa4kl

President of Verizon Gets a Brain Scan:

2010-11-27T09:53:00.001-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/3357ulu

Talk About a Turkey!

2010-11-25T06:54:00.000-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/2dz4pzd

Happy Holiday!

2010-11-23T13:52:00.002-05:00

At this time of hope, family, and Thanksgiving, may we all be eternally grateful... that Verizon doesn't run our passenger air transport system.

Verizon Sales Rep Closing a Sale

2010-11-21T16:25:00.001-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/42fzc

For Math Geeks

2010-11-19T10:35:00.001-05:00

If one Verizon salesperson can tell 9 lies in 3 minutes, and another one can tell 13 lies in 4 minutes, how many lies can both of them tell together in a half-hour (to the nearest whole number)??????????

Verizon's Favorite Work Tool

2010-11-17T10:15:00.005-05:00

http://bit.ly/9f7bwA

'Freaks With Blow Horns'

2010-11-15T04:31:00.001-05:00

VeriZombies

2010-11-13T08:43:00.000-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/2539m7t

The Sign of the Beast

2010-11-10T14:00:00.000-05:00

http://tinyurl.com/2ffl8xg

One Smart Driver

2010-11-06T10:26:00.002-04:00

http://tinyurl.com/4pqcev

Verizon CEO NOT Worried Over Customer Complaints

2010-11-02T11:21:00.002-04:00

http://tinyurl.com/yaocud2

Trick or Treat

2010-11-01T11:42:00.002-04:00

Next year maybe a ballerina, but this Halloween I dressed up as a Verizon salesman:

http://tinyurl.com/35855ro

Tweet, Tweet

2010-10-30T12:17:00.002-04:00

What Twitterers have to say about Verizon here:

http://twitter.com/#!/search/%23verizon

What Verizon has to say about itself:

http://twitter.com/#!/Verizon (...l-l-l-lame)

Ohhh My!

2010-10-28T14:58:00.003-04:00

Our hero, Verizon, in the NY Times:

http://tinyurl.com/26fregl

...Kids, can you spell S-C-A-L-A-W-A-G?

A Recent Meeting of Verizon Sales Reps

2010-10-26T14:04:00.002-04:00

Caught on film:

http://tinyurl.com/2a2k3o8

Trust, but Verify

2010-10-16T11:21:00.001-04:00

Where can you find a Verizon salesman you can trust?

The cemetery.

Karma?

2010-10-10T08:40:00.001-04:00

deep metaphysical question...:

Is it coincidence or Karma that both Verizon and vomit start with the same letter of the alphabet???

Naughty, Naughty

2010-10-04T10:43:00.002-04:00

http://tinyurl.com/2bhd9m7

http://tinyurl.com/2bos8zm

Inbreeding

2010-10-02T08:53:00.001-04:00

What do you get when you cross a Verizon Rep with a wicked, pernicious demon from the deepest darkest bowels of Hades?

Another Verizon Rep

All Gone Bye-bye...

2010-09-28T12:41:00.002-04:00

What do dinosaurs and honest Verizon Reps have in common?

...Extinction

Practice for the S.A.T.

2010-09-22T08:10:00.002-04:00

See if you can fill in the blank:

__erizon SUCKS!!

6 of one, half-dozen of another...

2010-09-17T14:36:00.001-04:00

What's the difference between a Verizon salesman and a bucket of swill?

The bucket.

Ouch... Eeee... Ackkk... Arghhh

2010-09-13T13:31:00.006-04:00

Have you ever been accidentally run over by a tractor combine, while you were trying to exterminate an infestation of blood-sucking leeches, in a field of poison ivy that was chock-full of discarded razor blades and pitchforks, during a 7.3 earthquake?

....well, then you know the feeling of being a Verizon customer.

Yum... Not!!

2010-09-09T10:22:00.002-04:00

What's cold, thick and slimy, and sharp to the touch?

A porcupine, 20 ice cubes, and a Verizon Rep in a blender.

Ruff, Ruff

2010-09-04T14:21:00.001-04:00

What’s black and brown and looks good on the Chairman of Verizon?

A doberman pinscher.

Sounds Fishy...

2010-09-01T09:03:00.000-04:00

What’s the difference between a Verizon salesperson and a catfish?

One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.

Roadkill

2010-08-25T11:04:00.000-04:00

What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Verizon salesman in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Pull... Shoot...

2010-08-20T16:12:00.000-04:00

What do you call 25 skydiving Verizon salesmen?

Skeet.